so not only is my blog a little dusty and my writing skills as well, but somehow this week i took about ten steps backwards in my photography journey too. i guess that happens but what really bums me out about it is that i am starting this new project with a group of very talented friends and i was really hoping to knock one out of the park. it's the first time i'll be participating in a project 52 (one photo a week for one year) and the theme for this week's photograph was "a new year". my plan was to start the project off with a self-portrait of me and my family. i had this vision of capturing us with a little 2012 banner or sign and in my mind it was the perfect "book end" to the beginning of my project 52, which i'm hoping to take a very personal direction. in essence, i wanted my photograph to say, "this is us at the start of 2012" and then by the end of the year it would be a milestone marker of who we were because no doubt by december we will not be the same. that was the plan, anyway... wink, wink. ;)
without further ado, here we are.
|project 52 :: week one|
typically this would be one of the shots on the outtake reel for several reasons that may or may not be obvious to you, and when i first saw this on my camera i literally wanted to cry. it just wasn't what i envisioned. notice the banner never made it to fruition, and notice the very low setting sun which gives a hint to how late it was when we started our shoot, and although it looked like my husband was in the right spot when i set the camera up on the tripod, we most certainly are not centered here, which is what i was going for. and then there's a bit of awkward space between brian and i due to both of us shifting our weight opposite directions and the shot that came out of camera is underexposed because the light was rapidly changing on me. and the ankle crop alone would be a reason to fire the photographer here according to what i've learned.
but you know what? this is us. and the more i look at it... the more i actually think it's perfect. because we are a very imperfect family, to be honest with you... and in a way, this picture screams "us" much louder than a well composed picture would have i suppose. we have a lot of growing to do in 2012, and i have full confidence we can do it together. but in the meantime, we've started the year out a bit disheveled and messy, but beautiful none the less. and yes, despite all my failures as a photographer here... this picture is still beautiful to me as a wife and a mother. because when i look at it with my heart i see other things too... like the way she's holding her daddy's neck... the way my guy is smiling in response to my touch... the fact that brian has his arm around me (even though you can't see it)... and the love that lays the foundation for our new year. it's the first page of our book for 2012... and actually quite fitting. there's room for improvement in our home, just like there's room for improvement in this picture. and i'm ok with that. i'm aware of our imperfections, and although i don't believe they define us, they certainly motivate me to name a few carrots.
personal :: a deeper appreciation of everything that flows from the Lord's loving hands into my life and the lives of my family
photography :: get back to blogging my journey -- no excuses like facebook, pinterest, or photography blog reading allowed
motherhood :: provide better structure for my daughter who really needs it unlike me
marriage :: be more loving and better at communicating love
artistic :: continue to hone a photography style and voice that is consistent throughout my body of work as a whole
practical :: get my computer files organized and an efficient workflow down for the thousands of undeveloped pictures sitting on my hard drives (oh.my.goodness.this.is.huge.)
for my home :: fill my rooms with love by finally printing and hanging all the beautiful pictures i have of our family and loved ones
as far as what else is in store for 2012, only the Lord Himself knows. i try to remember when mapping it all out that i can do all the planning i want, but in the end it's His plan that trumps everything else. and since i can trust in His goodness and His love for me, there is nothing to fear in that. every year has had it's ups and downs, so i can be sure there will be some of those ahead as well. but no matter what unfolds, i know i am very blessed and i have this perfectly imperfect picture to remind me.
here's to a new year.
here's to a new year.